


Do No Harm

by orphan_account



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: 2.07, Canon, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 02:13:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4503918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place in 2.07 - Cosima's procedure to implant the mysterious stem cell match into her uterus, and the aftermath - from Delphine's perspective. </p>
<p>"Because I can’t stand to watch you die.</p>
<p>Don’t you understand? Every day I watch you dying and it’s like I’m dying too. Please, Cosima…just listen to me…"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do No Harm

“Dr. Read is one of the most qualified DYAD specialists, you’ll be in great hands…” Delphine said softly, helping Cosima out of her button-up shirt and jeans in a remote DYAD operating room.

“I know, Delphine.” Cosima’s warm hand found Delphine’s on her forearm, closing around it reassuringly. “I know. It’s all gonna go fine.”

Delphine shook her head, smiling in spite of the situation. “I know, I should be the one telling you it’s okay, right? I just…can’t stop worrying.”

She shivered as Cosima’s fingers trailed down to her waist in reassurance, pulling the two closer together as she softly pressed Delphine’s lips to her own. “It’s gonna be okay, you know that, right?”

Delphine nodded, unable to break the gaze. “C’mon,” she said. “Let’s get you into the gown.”

Pulling the rough blue gown around Cosima’s body, Delphine was glad the other woman wasn’t protesting her guiding her arms through—it certainly helped to be doing something.

Ever since they’d discovered the stem cell line match, Aldous and Delphine had agreed that the end goal was implantation, but that didn’t stop her teeth setting on edge every time she thought about the needle that would soon probe into her Cosima. Paradoxically, however, knowing that the procedure was going to treat Cosima didn’t assuage her worries either.

It was an entirely strange position in which to be: both her patient’s doctor and lover. It not only added a whole new level to ‘do no harm,’ but threw her completely for a loop. How was she supposed to decide objectively the correct thing to do for her patient _and_ treat her ethically, all the while knowing that it was the fate of the love of her life she held in her hands?

Some nights she just wanted to scream at someone _, Why? Why can’t you just fix her? Make her better again? So I don’t have to live my life in terror?_

_In terror that I could lose her?_

_In terror that I’ll make the wrong choice? That I won’t be thinking clearly enough? That I’ll let love cloud my judgment?_

_That she’ll be gone and it’ll be my fault?_

She was thankful that on the nights when these thoughts threatened to overwhelm her, to take control of her mind, she had strong arms to wrap around her body, a comforting blanket of Cosima to ground her in the fantasy that it would all be alright. Together, as lovers, they could ignore the growing list of clones being killed by this elusive condition. They could ignore Cosima’s deteriorating health. They could pretend that Delphine wasn’t responsible for treating her, and that any mistake could have horrible consequences.

However, they could only pretend for so long; Cosima’s horrible coughs would wake them both in the night, and it would often take an hour or more of holding her small lover, of whispering _“It will be alright, mon amour”_ into ears that could not hear herto get the shaking to stop. It was nights such as these when Delphine had to pretend she was not equally terrified by these fits, brought to the brink of tears thinking about Cosima in such a state. Delphine hadn’t slept in her own bed for weeks, both scientists too petrified to sleep alone.

 

“Delphine?”

She felt a smooth hand cup the side of her face. “Hey, babe, you okay? You kinda checked out for a minute.”

“Y-yes, I was just…thinking. That’s all.”

The dark eyebrows so close to Delphine’s own face knitted together. “About what?”

Delphine silently cursed herself—she knew her anxious tendencies only set Cosima on edge, but sometimes she couldn’t stop them from seeping through. “It’s nothing,” she said softly. “Don’t worry, _mon amour._ Dr. Read will be here soon.”

 

As Dr. Read injected the anesthetic into the base of Cosima’s head, Delphine clung tightly to the woman’s hands, unable to watch as the doctor inserted the needle.

She shouldn’t be so affected; Delphine herself had probably performed the same procedure a dozen times. But there was something about seeing the tip sink into skin she loved to hold, one of her favorite spots to kiss being punctured by the needle. She smiled encouragingly as Cosima’s worried eyes found her own.

“You’re okay _, mon petit chiot,”_ she whispered.

Cosima’s clever tongue poked out of her lips, sticking out playfully at Delphine’s words and earning a grin from her lover.

After a moment, Delphine pulled the gown away from Cosima’s abdomen, running her fingers across the skin she loved so much beneath her belly button and pressing slightly a few centimeters in from her pelvis.

“Can you feel that?” Delphine asked softly, checking to see if the anesthetic had set in, then watched Cosima shake her head, _no._

A mischievous smile lining her lips, she entwined one of the tan hands with her own, pressing a kiss to the cool skin. “Can you feel that?”

“Kinda,” Cosima replied, grinning.

“Yeah?” Bracing herself on the edge of the operating chair, Delphine raised herself to leave a lingering kiss on Cosima’s soft lips. “And that?”

Delphine just looked into those incredible eyes for a moment, each silently assuring the other that it would all be okay. Smiling, she said, “The spinal’s working—we’re gonna begin.”

As Dr. Read inserted the probe, Delphine felt a wave of overwhelming relief that she was not doing the procedure. She was qualified, but there was something far too _clinical_ about operating on the most sensitive parts of Cosima, areas to which she would venture in those beautiful hours of darkness when none but they would be awake. She could compartmentalize as well as any doctor, but how could you separate something as intimate as the pleasure of your lover from an intrusive probe meant to insert into deadly masses? How could she approach such a task without the same tenderness and love as she could devote to her Cosima?

Thankful that she need not face that obstacle, Delphine rested her head in the crook of Cosima’s neck and smiled at the warmth and comfort only her lover could bring.

 

 

“We share a lab. Why do we have to keep the source from her?” Scott demanded, gripping onto files with Cosima’s latest test results.

_Because this is the only treatment I have, and she’d never consent if she knew it was Kira._

_Because I’m obligated to pursue any avenue to keep her here._

_Because I’m selfish and can’t sleep the night without her._

“Because you signed a confidentiality agreement, and I’m your boss. Is that clear?”

After a nod of affirmation from Scott, she stalked away to wait for the elevator.

It had been awhile since she’d used such an authoritative tone, but she felt the rush of power running through her as it always did.

She hated it.

But she was prepared to do anything to save her.

 

A moment later, immediately recognizable high heeled boots click-clacked down the tiled corridor.

“Cosima,” Scott greeted, loudly enough for Delphine to hear.

“What’s going on, Scott?” Cosima asked, and dread filled Delphine from the tips of her toes to the fingers clutching the latest test results—positive.

She rounded the corner, feet carrying her unwilling body. How had she been so stupid? Of course Cosima would find out. And now…who knew what would happen?

 

“You gave me Kira’s stem cells?” Cosima asked, voice disbelieving.

They were standing in the quickly darkening lab, Delphine trying desperately to explain to Cosima.

“Please, listen to me,” she begged. “Leekie set us up.”

“Us? What?” Cosima gripped the edge of a stainless steel lab table, staring daggers at her doctor.

“Yes, remember the culture we stumbled upon? The match? Well, he planted it for us to find—”

“You _knew_ it was Kira’s.”Cosima accused, voice rising.

Delphine found her words intensifying in equal measure—“But only _after_ I realized that it was working! The tests were positive and I _had_ to keep going.”

_Because I can’t stand to watch you die._

_Don’t you understand? Every day I watch you dying and it’s like I’m dying too. Please, Cosima…just listen to me…_

Cosima only stared. “Did you ever stop to think _once_ that this is my decision and not yours?”

“There is no decision, Cosima. You have one way forward and this is it.”

_We only have one way forward. Because, you see, if you die…so do I._

Silence hung in the air between them for a moment too long before Cosima’s voice dropped to a hiss, “How did you harvest her?”

_Harvest._ The horribly clinical nature of the words stung as Delphine knew Cosima had meant them to. She stumbled on her words, answering, “Kira…lost a tooth in her accident. Leekie procured it from the hospital.” She looked down at their feet, voicing the truth neither would say. “It is a finite source.”

Cosima’s unrelenting eyes stared daggers at Delphine. “Unless you bring her in for more.”

Dread coursing through her veins, Delphine nodded. “Yeah,” she whispered.

“Out.”

“You don’t understand,” she pleaded.

_You don’t understand that this is my way forward, too._

_That I’m trying to do no harm, that I swore an oath, that I love you more than words can say._

_That the only way I can get through the night is with your arms around me,_ please, _Cosima, I cannot do it without you…_

“This is my lab. My body. I’m the science— _Get out!”_ her voice rose to a shout, unforgiving eyes still tearing Delphine down.

It was like a dam had been broken. Tensions had been rising the past several minutes, and now a cold energy was rushing through the lab. What had once been her domain was now foreign. Cosima’s final words hung in the air like ice, waiting to pierce Delphine if she did not obey.

Head bowed, feet made of stone, she hurried past Cosima and out of the lab, barely concealing a sob as the door slammed behind her.

_What happened to ‘do no harm?’_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading and please leave kudos or let me know what you think in the comments!


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